A Ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract that holds tremendous importance in Jewish weddings. They signed off by witnesses and read aloud under the chuppah as a crucial part of a ceremony. While no one would argue the significance, to those who don’t understand the language, what sort of romance or sentimentality is it supposed to convey?
Go to an artist or to a large ketubah making company and you will likely come across all sorts of examples with striking, elegant framing and gorgeous handwriting in stylized Hebrew letters. These can be printed on paper, canvas, or even handmade on parchment that couples excited frame on the living room walls. Clearly this document is one of gravity and beauty.
Look at the text, which is traditionally printed in Aramaic, and it is a legal text as strtaightforward as any other. It confirm the date, the couple’s names and families, duties of the husband towards his wife, funds for the wife in cases of divorce, and any dowry from the bride’s father gives to the bride.
It’s a document that outlines the rights and obligations of the husband towards his wife during their marriage, and the protections for the wife in the event of a divorce. The Ketubah is traditionally written in Aramaic, a language that was widely spoken among Jews during the time of the Talmud, though some people will write them in Hebrew or different modern languages. Those more modern versions do sometimes include messages of mutual love and respect at the end, but should not erase the source.
Purpose of the Ketubah:
- Financial Protection: The Ketubah serves as a financial agreement that ensures the wife’s financial security during the marriage and in case of a divorce. It further outlines the husband’s responsibilities to provide for his wife, including her housing, food, clothing, and conjugal needs. This protects a wife from neglect, mistreatment, and financial abuse.
- Duties and Rights: The Ketubah sets forth legal obligations for the husband to fulfill, to honor, provide for, and support. In addition to what is mentioned above, this is stated multiple times, stated as being according to the universal customs. A wife is ensured that if she is not being treated how a wife ought to be, she has the ketubah to enforce her claim.
- Deterrence of Divorce: The existence of the Ketubah acts as a deterrent to unwarranted divorce by making the process expensive, and protecting a woman even if she did not have her own money. It also clearly outlines a husband’s duties so he will know what he is failing to do in his marriage without the same worry for opinions or disputes in court
The Aramaic Ketubah traditionally contains specific formulas and clauses outlining the obligations of the husband to his wife. It is written in a formal and legal language, unlike scriptural texts in elegant Hebrew. It does not make a declaration of love, of community, nor does it make any spiritual assertions lacking any mention of God.
After all this, it may seem overly formal, and it’s paragraph about payouts in the tragic case of divorce being read under the chuppah. Of course, most couples, despite ups and downs, lead good relationships. Having a firm bedrock does not invite doom, but instead invites stability and comfort. Any married couple will say that the relationship is not built off of fireworks and floral arrangements but an ability to feel supported, having a sturdy foundation. It might not be the storybook fairytale depiction, but God wants stable families more than emotion-driven statements.
That said, the ceremony itself is not stripped of sentiment; the sheva brachot for instance are full of beautiful concepts to do with marriage and Creation. The Sheva brachot are recited twice at a wedding and potentially many times over the week following, but the ketubah is kept forever.
Ketubah During the Rest of the Marriage: Beyond its significance during the wedding ceremony, it is not possible to overstate the importance of the ketubah throughout the marriage. Unlike the flowers, fine foods or stunning clothes put on display at a wedding, the ketubah is not just fanfare and pomp. If a couple loses their ketubah, they are not allowed to be alone together, and even for those who might not hold reverence for Jewish law, insofar as it outlines responsibilities and protections largely for the sake of the wife, it is necessary in the tragic even of a divorce.
The Ketubah is kept in a safe place. The document not only symbolizes but literally is the foundation of the marriage. Whether the couple chooses to get beautiful framing and set it on the wall, or to put it in a filing cabinet alongside birth certificates and the deed, the ketubah is the ultimate symbol of the marriage that should be cherished and preseved for the rest of their lives.
So, Is the Ketubah Romantic?
Going back to the original question, a ketubah is not directly romantic. It’s a fairly dull legal agreement that works to prevent a few different bad scenarios. On the other hand, it is probably a more realistic approach to matrimony, lacking bells and whistles but full of structure and security.
At first that may sound dry, but it is the bedrock of a marriage: not the frills and sentimentality but a serious declaration of unique duties and rights that do not exist in another type of relationship. Given that for most people, marriage may be the most legally significant action they’ll each take, setting aside a moment between the otherwise very romantic festivities, meals, dancing and singing at a wedding is what the whole ceremony is actually for.
