In Judaism, the relationship between a father and his son is unique and carries significant responsibilities. These responsibilities represented in the form of mitzvot (commandments), are intended to guide and nurture the spiritual and moral development of the son, such that he can grow into a competent Jewish adult, or pertaining to mitzvahs for a baby boy that he could certainly not do himself. They encompass various aspects of Jewish life, including education, religious observance, and guidance in matters of personal growth.
- Circumcision (Brit Milah): One of the most significant mitzvot a father has towards his son is the obligation to ensure that his son is circumcised on the eighth day from birth, counting the moment of birth as Day 1. This commandment is based on Genesis 17:12, where God instructs Abraham to circumcise himself and his descendants. The father is responsible for arranging the brit milah ceremony and ensuring that a qualified mohel (ritual circumciser) performs the circumcision. In theory, the mitzvah is for the father, not the mohel, which is why in the ceremony the mohel will make a statement that he is only the shliach mitzvah (agent of a mitzvah) i.e. on behalf of the father.
- Pidyon Haben (Redemption of the Firstborn): In Halacha, Jewish law, the father is responsible for redeeming his firstborn son through a ceremony known as Pidyon Haben on the 30th day from the birth. This mitzvah is based on Exodus 13:2, where the firstborn males are consecrated to God. The father is required to redeem his son by giving five silver coins to a Kohen (priest), all of whom still have a role the Temple priesthood. This is because a son who is firstborn has the status like a Levite, who would assist in the Temple, but due to all the tribes but Levi sinning in the Golden Calf, this privilege was revoked in most but not all ways. This is only if the mother’s firstborn of a natural birth is a son.
- Education (Chinuch): The father has a central role in the religious education and upbringing of his son. He is responsible for teaching him Torah, mitzvot, and the values of Judaism. The Gemara emphasizes the importance of fathers as primary educators, stating that “one who teaches his son Torah is considered as if he received the Torah from Sinai” (Kiddushin 30a). This does not preclude a Rabbi from teaching obviously, but both in leading as example and giving over Torah, a father should be his son’s first and most crucial Torah instructor.
- Ensuring Financial Support: A father has the obligation to provide financial support for his son until he reaches adulthood and becomes capable of sustaining himself. This includes providing for the son’s basic needs such as food, clothing, shelter, and education.
- Bar Mitzvah Preparation: As a son approaches the age of thirteen, the father is tasked with guiding him through the process of becoming a Bar Mitzvah. This is not the Bar Mitzvah celebration many may first think of hearing that word, but in all ways preparing to be a Jewish adult, obligated in all mitzvahs. This includes ensuring that his son receives appropriate Torah education, observes Shabbat and Kashrut etc., and prepares to fulfill his religious obligations as an adult member of the community. Any type of mitzvah, community involvement, and so on incumbent on a Jewish man starts at the age Bar Mitzvah, which a father must ensure his son is ready for.
- Teaching a Trade: The father is obligated to teach his son a trade or profession that will enable him to support himself and his future family. The Gemara in Kiddushin 29a states that a father should teach his son a trade, saying, “Teach him a clean and easy trade”. The purpose here is to make sure that the son can be self sufficient and one day support his own family.
- Teach Him to Swim: Perhaps the least obvious of the mitzvahs of a father towards his son is that he must teach him to swim. In practical terms, this is a mitzvah for a father to ensure his son is able to be safe in unpredictable environments, and any dad should teach safety.
- Finding a Suitable Spouse: It is the father’s responsibility to assist his son in finding a suitable wife. The father should consider the character, religious observance, and compatibility of the potential partner. The Gemara in Kiddushin 30b states that a father is obligated to marry off his son when he reaches the age of maturity. It is not suggesting an arranged marriage, but rather making sure that his son is not going to end up with someone who would be detrimental for him, and encourage him to begin dating if he is ready and has not yet begun looking.
These mitzvot highlight the multifaceted role of a father in Judaism. He is not only responsible for providing physical care and support but also for nurturing his son’s spiritual and religious development. By fulfilling these mitzvot, a father creates a strong foundation for his son’s Jewish identity and guides him on the path of Torah and mitzvot. Unfortunately, many fathers do not teach their sons according to the mitzvahs here, and if that happens, the son must take it upon himself for to fill in the gaps.
Please note that for detailed sources and specific passages from the Gemara Tractate Kiddushin, it is best to consult traditional Jewish texts or seek guidance from a qualified rabbi well-versed in such studies. For all modern activity in child rearing, having a family mentor who is steeped in Torah is crucial to ensure that the parents, who already have a lot on their plate, do not develop blind-spots in making sure their children grow up as strong, self-sustaining Jews.
